U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
