He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
