We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
