First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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