I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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