She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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