just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
