My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
