i think my tv is drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize