I murdered the dance floor call the cops
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
