An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
