smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I party with great urgency now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
