I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
