Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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