Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
