Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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