All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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