I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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