somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
