That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
