We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
