I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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