oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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