we have pet lesbian snakes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
