Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
