Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
