so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
