**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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