btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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