I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize