1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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