mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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