My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize