i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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