Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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