I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
