I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
