Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
