You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
