so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We had to coat check the pizza.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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