I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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