i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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