You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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