I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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