"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
