Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize