it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
