If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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