I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I believe in your delicious
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
