Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
