oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
