it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your cock deserves a montage
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
