I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
