I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
