we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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