6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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