I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
