I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
