Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
