My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He better not be in your backpack
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
