need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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