drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
