i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
