i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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