Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
time to smoke my breakfast
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
