Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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