there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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