I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
