What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
