I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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