So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
