some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
