is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
